Music

La.

I am so addicted to listening to music at the moment. All kinds. I just can't get enough. I often go through phases where I just want to listen to it forever. And then I have to stop because I start to ruin it for myself. I am one of those people who will listen to a song over and over again until I can't listen to it anymore. And I hate it, so I try to stop myself from doing it, but my siblings are exactly the same, so its damn annoying. Especially since it seems none of them have any control over the particularly annoying trait. I remember I once bought an album and couldn't listen to it for MONTHS because my sisters had played it over and over before I had a chance to listen to it. Ruined. I still blame them for ruining the CD for me!

At this moment in time I have just discovered American Pianist Jim Brickman. I have never come across him before, but he seems to be the musical version of Josh Groban... just without the singing. Its gorgeous music, that actually makes me want to shed tears most of the time. I wish I could play the piano, but even if I started to learn now, I doubt I would ever get as good to be able to play anything like him. I hate that I never learnt piano as a child. Although I am sure that if someone had said to me 'Learn the Piano', I would have made a face and stomped off. I wasn't into learning ANYTHING when I was a kid, and now I regret it so much. I wish I knew everything. I just want to learn things but my stupid adult brain, mixed with my ADHD brain doesn't help that much. In fact. Not at all. I get so distracted. SO easily.

Whilst I am going on and on about getting distracted I might as well venture on to the subject of work. I hate it. I know. Everyone hates work. I do. I didn't hate it a while ago, but it seems its just getting to me now - I feel like i am being dragged into this career I didn't chose, I just needed some cash. And they keep throwing more of it my way which is supposed to be incentive to stay, and it is, but its also giving me incentive to leave - its like a bribery on my future.

I was talking to a friend via email at work (He hates it there too... we are doomed!), and I realised that I was wasting whatever potential I have as a.. anything.. writer, musician, photographer.. anything like that.

I am not company minded. I am a creator. I am an artist. I am an imagination waiting to imagine something or waiting to be allowed to imagine something. I don't know what, but I need help finding out. I don't know how to chose a direction. Photography is my love. But how to get into it? How to start? Its a competitive game and I don't think I have the balls or the talent to play.

Life. Confuses. Me.

Sam