New Year... Meh.

Obligatory New Year post! :D

In such a stinking mood today though that I can only assume my day/night is going to be hell. So many nightmares it was insane. I need to stop dreaming about people and zombies trying to kill me... it's just no good for my disposition.

Hope you all have a great night!

Sam
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It's not big, or clever!

I thought I'd hit you up with a quick blog, this fine Wednesday? No, Thursday night. I can't keep track of the days. I seriously haven't known what day it's been all week. But that's Christmas for you. You don't have to think about it, so it's ok to be flaky and distant.

Yes, yes, I'm aware of my distance with the blog as of late. But things tend to build up. Not that they did, I'm just aware that it happens to other people. Funny, how life happens to some people. It doesn't happen to me, but I like to pretend it does.

Once again we have reached the end of another year. I got a bloody good haul for Christmas presents this year. A Nintendo 3DS, LOADS of books (Huzzah), and some new converse trainers. Which, to me, is like shoe porn. So I was well chuffed when 'Santa' sent them to me. Am I the only one who still makes her parents sign gifts from 'Santa'? Well, it's fun to keep the magic alive if you ask me.

I guess the reason I haven't blogged is mostly because I have been putting off most types of writing since November came and went. After finishing the writing month I gave myself some time off writing. December was going to be the month or finishing my novel, but, well, I've been stuck in a rut. Mostly because I don't know how my story is going to end so I have been stuck in my head, trying to figure it out, rather than writing to get it out. Still, later today I will crack on with a few paragraphs. I promise... I do!

I have to get back to watching some vampire diaries (re-watching season 1!) before I start writing. I call it 'inspiration' because I hate calling it what it truly is, which is 'distraction'. And no, my book ISN'T about vampires, I just like the pretty boys...

Enough of that, you smut-seekers.

I'll most likely do the usual end of year blog later this week, so I hope you all look forward to it. It will be better than this attempt. Pictures, and actual content, rather than brain numbing jibber jabber.

Toodles!

Sam

Novembeh? Where's this month gone?

No, really! Where has this month gone? Almost December? Damn it.
I haven't blogged for about 3 weeks I don't think - it's not you, it's me. Honest! Well, it is, even if you don't believe me.

What have I been doing all this time? I know that's what you were thinking, whilst weeping into a box of tissues. Well, don't fret, I'm back and should be back properly now November is almost done with - you see, I have been writing a book. Yes, it's true. A whole book. Well, almost. You see I'm 43k words in. I need to get to 50k by the end of November, which will be a piece of cake, but I have a feeling I'm going to be writing more than that. I never was good at pacing myself. I have a large chunk of the story left to tell so I'll be trying to hammer it all down in the next week. I suppose the good thing is I know I'll succeed, but I want to finish this thing so I can put it away in December, not look at it and then in the new year start to edit the hell out of it. Well, not edit the hell out of it, because I won't be changing the story in any way. I'm happy with how it's turned out. I just need to make sure my writing makes sense.

I have this problem where I write things but they don't make sense.... I don't know if you've noticed? haha.

Other things I've been doing this month is lots of Uni work. Didn't get the best grade on my first English Lit essay, but I wasn't expecting to because I fucked up and didn't have a lot of time to edit. I didn't spell check either because I forgot. What can I say? It was a panicked day when I was trying to get it sorted! Not to worry. Start with low expectations, that's my plan. I'll wow them with my next essay... or probably not. I've forgotten how to write them, which is probably quite bad... hmmm.

Today I'm looking forward to baking. I'm making cupcakes because I just bought an icecream scoop to help me with portion control of cake mix... if you bake you'll understand that this is quite a milestone for me! I am also going to practise icing, because I usually don't bother, but I have this rather adorable piping bag and I need to put it to good use. I am also booking a massage. I got a voucher for a massage on my birthday in June and have promptly forgotten to book one ever since, but apparently the voucher runs out after 6 months. Well, if it's too late I'm getting that money back. You can't keep money and not provide a service! gosh!

I have a migraine right now, and have had a mild but continuous one for a while. It's annoying, but I think it's because we have 'artificial sunlight' lights at work and I'm sure they flicker slightly. Anyway, they set my eyes off like nothing else on this planet and I'm suffering. God I  hate that place.

In another news I saw Hanson at the Academy in Manchester on Thursday - they were AMAZING. If you turn your nose up at them because all you know is MmmBop, then you're only ruining it for yourself. I have never heard anyone sing so perfectly in tune in my life. Their harmonies are insane. The crowd was good, a lot of supportive fans and it was nice to see it was only them on stage, no bass player, no additional band to fill the gaps. They really are musically amazing. They all play each others instruments too, which is something you don't often see.

I have just found I am in love with Etsy. And have spent a bit of money on their last night. Some spending was on other people for Christmas, but I did buy myself something which I'll post a picture of once it arrives. I am also going to start making cute aprons and selling them on their I think. But that's a December project.

Speaking of projects - still working on THE VORTEX - it's a slow process, but it's still fun. Drop by.

Sam
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Google... you both confuse and excite me...

So, I know I'm probably the last one to have switched to the new blogger that Google has offered us, but, well, I had a look at it a while ago, decided I didn't like change and switched back to the old viewing window.
Recently I decided that no, Sam, you will change. You won't get left behind, you'll move on with the rest of them and rejoice in the new world of Google. And that's just what I did... still not sure about it. It's nice, and neat and sure, I can see a lot of hard work has gone into making it the best it can be... but it's SO different. Still, I'm here now and there's no going back.

Talking of no going back. When I did upload the new blogger, I was prompted that my IE didn't properly support the new script, so I was prompted (very conveniently) to use Google Chrome as a browser instead. I ummed and ahhed, because I'd been contemplating changing browsers for a long time, but nothing felt right. Well, I switched and now everything feels right. Google Chrome is me. It's smart, fast, smooth looking... just like me! haha. I jest. But once I started updating I couldn't stop. I updated my Google Mail accounts and even signed up for Google Analytics for my website... there's no stopping me this week. Literally.

And talking of not stopping - I'm still fully invested in NaNoWriMo, despite my initial fears I wouldn't be able to do it. I'm currently at a word count of about 19201, and will be hitting and exceeding the 20k mark of my novel tomorrow, right on schedule. I'm loving the writing, and I think it will help me with my creative writing. It's helping me get out of myself, and learn to just write, and explore different techniques, voices, POV's and what not. I actually got my first assignment mark back for creative writing and got a 61, which to me is great! Over 50 for the 1st assignment is good in my eyes, because I will only be aiming higher and higher from now on. Got some really good constructive criticism and I'm taking it all in and rolling with it!

Speaking of rolling with it - my sister passed me the Vampire Diaries books to read the other day. This is the first time she has given ME a book to read, usually it's the other way around, but since she exhausted my book collection this year she's had to pass me something she's stolen from a friend. I always avoided VD because I watched the TV show before I read the book, and I don't like doing that, so if it happens I try not to get into the books because it usually ruins the TV show, with the book being better, but I can honestly say I prefer it this way around. VD the book is good, but I don't like the way it's written, and the verbal exchanged between the characters unbelievable. The TV show took all the good things about the show, added their own spin on it and made it 80 times better. So there you have it, the TV show CAN be better than the book!

And speaking of Tv shows - I've recently written an article on MY WEBSITE about cancelled Tv shows. Check it out - I'm looking for viewers and feedback - also contributors. So if you're interested in doing an article, or have any links you want to share to fun sites just email them to;
theswirlingvortex@gmail.com

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call progressional flow. I'm good at it - I even have a t-shirt with I <3 Progressional Flow on it. Yes, I'm that cool!


Bye now!

Sam
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The Popularity Forum

It makes me giggle to see which of my posts are 'popular' at the moment.

For the past week or so it's been the one entitled 'Let's go back to the 80's, man!'

And I can only assume people click on it by mistake due to the images I have attached. But still, it's had a butt load of views recently (still, viewer count hasn't gone up so I'm not winning subscribers! Come on people, help my ego out!).

The reason I think people have been heading on over this way is because, like many of the things I like, 80's fashion and makeup is going to make a comeback. What? It's not? People are just googling for 80's makeup because it was Halloween? Damn. And I just bought a sequin jacket with shoulder pads and some denim looking bicycle shorts. Wow... that was a strange mixture of clothing. Sorry!

What was I saying? Oh yes - I'm going to be uploading some special effects make up pictures soon. I have the actual silicone pieces, I'm just waiting on my adhesive to arrive. I had to order it this week - thought I had some in the shed. I don't. Bah!
On a plus note - my new makeup brush set arrived at the best time, so now I can try out my new brushes simulating blood and gore. Yesssss!

Right, I'd best get back. I have an assignment to start and a novel to crack on with. Oh... and I need lunch. Spaghetti hoops, here I come!

Toodles!
Sam
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NaNoWriMo - week 1

Apologies to everyone, but this month will pretty much just consist of me either blogging about the wondrous NaNoWriMo or blogging about working on my new website - The Vortex.

So - lets start! :P

NaNoWriMo started this week and so far.. so good. I think... I have hit the word target each day and I think it's going ok. Today I have to get to 8000 and something words, but I'm going to starbucks with my laptop so I'll get a cheeky eggnogg latte and type away, sans internet access which should hopefully help keep the distractacons away! If you click the link up there you go to my user page, which tells you what I'm writing about and how well I'm doing, word wise.
I'm enjoying writing so far. I've never actually attempted to write a full book before, I've always started writing, to note down story ideas or scenes etc. but never actually thought to myself to expand on the story and, perhaps, try to write it. Partly from fear. So here I am. Over 6000 words in, and really enjoying it. I started up a little playlist to get me in the mood over on YouTube - if anyone is interested in listening to said playlist you can click the link :P

I'll keep you posted on how I get on with the rest of the writing though. To be fair, having the 1st 2 weeks of November off work is helpful so I dread the last 2 weeks when I have to go back to work and I'll have to try to fit writing into my every day trials. Hmmm.... we'll see what happens.

As for the website, its a slow start. Got a few articles, links and videos up so show what kind of direction we want to be heading in. I've been trying to get friends involved in looking at it and stuff, but my friends don't generally have the same internet aspirations as me, so they really couldn't give a tiny rats ass. It's fine with me, I just want to try to get it going though - so anyone who ventures past the site, please let me know what you think - what you like and don't like! I want honesty!

In the meantime - when I've not been working on such things, I've been watching New Girl, the Tv show with Zooey Deschanel. And I love it. I like her anyway, but I was worried it would be a bit too 'quirky' and play too much on the fact that she is cute etc. But it's actually so well done, and so well written it doesn't come across as OTT. In my opinion anywho!

Right I have to get going to 'bucks so I can start writing!

Sam

The much awaited halloween post!

Hello folks!
I hope this blog finds you in good spirits. I have many a thing to mention tonight (on this lovely halloween eve... currently 2:08am, and I'm just sat watching Scrubs... spooky!), which I'll probably forget as I go on, so bare with me!

Firstly, well done to fellow blogger Gee - see his blog here - he won best writer of blogs in the Welsh Blogging awards, or something equally as amazing (It's late and opening a new window to find the exact title seems like hard work), and I must say it's well deserved. His blog is pretty darn cool, maaan!

In other news I've already forgotten what I was going to say. Silly me.. let's see... I started a new website with my fella - it's a mixed media kind of thing, where we're just posting funny little articles, pictures we find on the web, and video's from youtube etc. It's a work in progress, but have a look, and suggest things you think would be cool!

It can be found here.

As most of you know I have signed up for NaNoWriMo this year (user name Samsiren), which starts... oh, crap. Today! So from here on out I'm on a mission to write a 50,000 word novel. Woohoo. On the plus side it kind of ties in nicely with my creative writing course, as I'm working on building believable characters, so good timing!

I also joined Good Reads (user name Sam C), and am building my library and sorting out a reading list. I like having books recommended to me and this site seems to be the best place for it! yeay! More books! haha.

Finally - it's Halloween. I love Halloween, it's no secret, but this year I opted to not have a party, as it usually costs about £200 and I figured it would be nice to save my money. So instead I've been watching french horror films - I've watched Martyrs, switchblade romance, Inside and a couple of non french ones - being trick r treat and gingersnaps.

I can honestly say the worst out of the bunch was Inside. It was horrible. I couldn't watch most of it - and I love horror and gore. It was just awful, but brilliant!
As for martyrs - it was great. My boyfriend thought it was horrowing, but I just thought it was a great story, and such a rollercoaster. The story chopped and changed about 3 times and you never knew how it was going to end. In the end it was awful but great!

Switchblade was a film of suspense and had a huge twist at the end that I just didn't see coming, did anyone else, if you've seen it?

Trick r Treat was a fun horror movie - it was a classic and really cool. It wasn't scary really but it was entertaining, and creepy. And gingersnaps is just an amazing werewolf movie - the actresses who played the lead characters were great too and it was a canadian film, which you just don't tend to see that much.

So, hope everyone's halloweens were great! Let me know what you got up to!

Sam

Plate full!

No, not of food - everyone knows I gave up eating in January (and my size 14 skinny jeans are getting more loose fit as the days go by!).

Plate full with work. Not 'real life' work - no, I try not to think about that - after someones attempts to bully me at work (he failed, and is now on my hit list) and a lot of mathematical calculations (and I can't do maths!), I've switched off from work at the moment, which means my 2 week holiday from it after this week was well planned!

'work' being that stuff I'm trying to do to get on with my life. It's all experimental and fun and I'm excited about all of it. I've had to write a 'to-do' list just now, so that I can stop stressing about what I have to do this week and just get on with it.

The first on the list is - running. I need to start it up again properly. I did 3 miles the other day and it took me 50 minutes. Well... I lie, I ran for a mile and a half which took me about 20 minutes and I pretty much just walked really slowly to songs such as Coldplay and Aqualung (so slow motion!) for the rest. But I want to really get into running for prolonged periods of time. Anyone have any tips on how to break through that barrier of tiredness/ boredom?

The 2nd thing on my list to do is NaNoWriMo - which I've talked about before, and decided I'm going to participate in... probably not a realistic goal, but oh well! It's National Novel Writing Month in November - where the challenge is to write a 50000 word novel in 30 days. You can write whatever you want, it doesn't matter if its not brilliant, it doesn't matter if the plot is thin and not mind blowingly well thought out, the only thing that matters is you write... and you write those god damned 50,000 words before the month is up! And me, being stupid, decided this is the year I'm going to do it (see my profile here and you can watch my progress), so I have my novel in mind (something I thought about a while ago but never did anything with. It's not brilliant, but it's something!) and my pen in my hand. This week I have to write the plot out in my note book, write some profiles for the characters and try to draft up some chapters... scary.

Of course this all comes at the time of the website launch, which will be on the 31st October. Yes, Halloween. I still can't say what the site is all about, but it should be a fun site to share with people, friends, and if people like it that's all that matters. So this week I have to fully OK the layout, and make sure the design is OK and set up the content so it's all done and dusted, and of course, make sure all the links work and the email address is working OK, and the facebook page and twitter page is all set up (even though it's in the early stages, I wanted to get things ticked off the list). So that should be... a lot of work.

And of course - Uni work. I'm working through it all OK, and really enjoyed last weeks book, Othello. This week its The Duchess of Malfi, and we're learning about themes and love and death in Renaissance literature. Cool stuff. But I have my first assignment due in the first week of November.

So yes - a good time to take 2 weeks off work, because I'm going to be damned busy for the next 3 weeks I think!

What am I doing?!

Sam

Wordy words

Another wordy blog. I haven't blogged for a time. Probably only a week but it feels like longer! Ho hum!

I've been diddling on with my Open Uni work and really enjoying it. The creative writing side is fun, learning little tricks and exercises to help keep me writing. I didn't realise it, but blogging is probably a really good exercise for my writing - I just write what I'm thinking, but it's good practise just to keep the mind and the hands moving, right? :)
English Lit course is so far so good - we've only just started this week, and I've been reading Othello, and learning about the play and the meaning of the text etc. It's very interesting and I'm actually enjoying it more than I thought I would be. I mean, I don't understand what's going on really, but when I read I can kind of get the general gist of it, which is better than nothing!

Other than that I haven't been up to much. I haven't been working this week so it's been nice to have yet another week to just relax and ponder my new life as a writer/ literature understander-er.
I've also bought some new clothes. Now, to you, that might not mean much, but to me it does! I'm the worst person for buying clothes. I pick things up and by the time I get to the till I change my mind and put it all back because I just don't like it anymore. If I don't buy what I want in the space of 10 seconds I have second thoughts and put it back. But when I DO buy stuff, it's stuff I really like. I've always been like that, not just about clothes, but anything I buy. I don't mince around when I want something, and when I have it I keep it forever. I keep telling my boyfriend he should count himself lucky I didn't put him back on the shelf after a week! I jest, of course!

Anywho, the clothes I bought are a UK 14, which is nice. I always thought I'd be happy in a comfortable size 14, and I am. But... like most women who have something, we always want the next model up. So I'm kind of almost aiming to get down to a 12, but not really going to put a lot of effort into it. I'm at a point now where if it happens, it happens. I'm so zen! ha.

I'm off to a gig tomorrow night - my boyfriends uncle, who was in a band in the 80's and still gigs on his own is having a gig in Manchester. So, of course, we're on the guest list. It should be nice, I've not seen him since Christmas and he's lovely!

I'd best be off, I have many a thing to do this afternoon before I hit the gym for some Zumba!

toodles! :)

Sam

Apple Strusel Sponge Cake

Yes, this is the last one from my recent baking batch - pictures aren't that great as the cake didn't last very long. It was just TOO good. It was a vanilla sponge base, with apples on top and a lovely crunchy sweet crumble topping - had with cream this was pretty much my favorite thing in the world. Not too sweet like the rest of the cakes, and honestly by this point in the baking we had to make something 'healthy' because we literally could not face any more chocolate!

Plus, one of your 5 a day - how could it be bad?

Again, apologies for pictures - and the jacket potato in the back ground!

Oh dear.. I think I need to make another!

Recipe to follow!

Sam
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Who knew?

Who knew there was so much thought that had to go into trying to launch a website? Well, I'll be honest, I kind of had an small idea but this is turning into a project and a half. I guess I don't mind though - I don't have much riding on this, it was just for fun - if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But I do want it to be a regular stop for some people, on their Internet travels. Ah, we'll see what happens. I'll be sure to keep you guys updated on what's going on.

At the moment, I'm just trying to figure out the layout - the theme is set for now, just a basic template as themes are something you can tweak along the way.

We're also trying to nail down the content - the content for the launch and the future content, and for that I need people to help. But until we go live I can't recruit anyone as it's all hush hush. I think I've only told one of my friends what the site is. She was kind of interested, but, well... she isn't an Internet person so she doesn't really care. I can deal with that though.

This is kind of just a bloggy blog for the time being. I just thought I'd let you know what I've been up to, which is basically panic about Uni. But so far, so good. the 1st week has been a fun one. My English Lit course starts on Saturday (Monday for me, as that's my allotted Uni day) where I will have to start reading Othello. Fun times. My writing course has been going well, just learnt some writing exercises which I have to do every day, but it all makes so much sense. You're supposed to write every day - they say that a musician practises every day, and artist sketches every day, so why wouldn't a writer write, just to practise - find your voice. Yes. I am on this page with them, I love writing - I love typing too, so blogging for me is a way to free up my creative self. I feel like a hippie. I don't know why!

Recently my boyfriend has been introducing me to David Lynch films. I loved the TV show he did, Twin Peaks and have always wanted to watch more of his stuff, and as my boyfriend has a collection of thousands of films (not exaggerated - movies are his life, and hopeful career) and a strong love of the Lynch he has them all on his shelf. So we started. So far I've watched Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart and Lost Highway - my favorite so far being Blue Velvet, but I can't get Lost Highway out of my head. I'm still trying to figure out what it meant. People think he's nuts, but I think he's a genius and we just can't see things on the level he sees them.

I've totally forgotten what else I've been up to - just Zumba'ing around at the gym and trying to keep moving every which way I can, be it a quick stint of yoga, a short run or some weights at home. Although nothing makes me ache more than the wii fit. I don't know why....

This weekends plans are - cinema, of course, to see Drive and The Lion Kind 3D. Well, I saw Jurassic Park at the cinema the other day and feeling all nostalgic for my childhood figured I'd better watch it! I'm also going to TGI Friday's which is my kryptonite. I pray I can keep my cool and resist all the bad food... praying they have a healthy salad on the menu!

I'll be off now - Going to blog again soon though - there's still a cake recipe or 2 to come and a blog about the new TV show Terra Nova, so stay tuned!

Sam

Chocolate and cheesecake brownie tray bake thing!

Yes, another baking blog. This is the 2nd to last one for now so enjoy!

Again, recipe will have to be brought to you at a later date, I've put my book somewhere... clever... and can't find it.

Blog about what I've been up to recently will be up shortly. I promise. It's kind of fun! (In my eyes)

nothing could prepare you for how good this tased. It was chocolate brownie, with cheesecake mixture on top, with chilled chocolate brownie pieces scattered on top... it was fulfilling in every way! God, I need it now!

Sam
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Peanut Butter and Chocolate pie

AKA. The devils pie.

Let me tell you, when we made this we had no idea what we were getting into. The book didn't have a nice display picture so we were baking blind, if you will. I have never baked anything so sweet and bad for you as this pie is... but it was also SO good. The pictures didn't come out the best. I was going to pop a picture of a slice of it on a plate so you could see all the layers etc. but... well.. the slices didn't last long. It was destroyed quickly, what with my lovely siblings only scooping the layers they liked, and not taking full peices! Gotta love em!

The pictures come first so you can see what it is we were dealing with :P
I'll pop the recipe below!

If you're diabetic, look away now!

Quick note - I'll have to post the recipe later... I've misplaced my book! oops!

Sam

Pottermore AGAIN! And other mindless points.

Hi all!

Yesterday was my first day back at work and it made me realise... how much I hate it there. But, you know, I've pretty much been saying that for the past 5 years. So.... yeah! I'll just have to stick with it for now, and stop thinking I'll ever find a job which will fulfil me... right now. Because, you know. I'm working on getting into my dream career of becoming a writer, so I shouldn't really sweat it, right? Please say yes!

I had a really good 2 weeks off, and have now booked another 2 weeks off in the first 2 weeks of November, because I basically forgot to take any holidays this year and was left with 5 weeks to take before the end of the year! I now have 3 weeks left, so I will be using them for Christmas (got the whole festive period off) and maybe some days in between it all! Woop woop! :P

I finally got my pottermore email - which to those NOT in the know, is the new official Harry Potter website, where you can basically go through all the different scenes in the book on the Internet and find out little tidbits on characters etc. and things that never made it into the story but JK Rowling wrote anyway - for the fans it's a pretty nice perk, and they let 1 million people have early access for Beta testing before the official open date of the 1st of October. In my case, there wasn't any point in doing it because I only just got in and it's October on Saturday (more on that in a second) so, bah! it was fun trying to get in early never the less, so who cares? Only problem is I have hit one of the errors on the site and now I'm stuck in Diagon alley with no money so I can't buy the things I need to move onto the next stages! Humph!

So, yes, it's October the 1st on Saturday. Now, I'm sure you ALL know that I love October. I love it so much it's untrue. It's just MY season. And Halloween! What's not to love? But on Saturday I'm officially starting my 2nd year of Open Uni, and will be studying 'Reading and Studying Literature' and 'Creative Writing'. I'm excited and scared that I may have taken on too much, but not to be outdone by myself I'm pushing myself even further.

My boyfriend and I have set up a website... I can't tell you what it's about at the moment, it's a working progress and just meant to be fun. So we are working on that this month and going 'live' on Halloween... and no, it's not a Halloween themed site, even though that is what I should be doing! I was also going to try to partake in NaNoWriMo this year. Which is National Novel Writing Month, and it takes place over the month of November. I figured it might slot in with my creative writing course... we will see. I have already thought of what I'm going to be writing about so I just need to keep that in my head for the next month and come November I have 1 month to write 50,000 words! Not too much, right?

Whoever said I start too many tasks and never finished them will soon be proven wrong (but more than likely right!).

Anyway, I'll be off, this was just a wordy blog before more pictures of ooey gooey cakes. Which will follow later this week/ weekend!

Take care!

Sam

Shhh, don't tell my hairdresser!

I had a keratin hair treatment yesterday - can't wash my hair for 36 hours or get it wet at all... so of course it's rain central here.

My hairdresser said to me 'You're not doing anything this weekend are you? Because you can't get your hair wet, AT ALL'.

Of course, being a woman - true to my word and sweet as candy, replied 'Nope, nothing planned'.

BUT I LIED! Haha. I know, there was no reason TO lie, I mean, what does she care? She gets my money, I get my nice smooth hair, and I didn't get it wet! I might have slightly sweated on the dance floor of a club and gotten it a little... damp, shall we say? But I made sure it didn't get wet at all! But I feel so guilty, like I've been a bad girl! Oh well.

I hit up the Karaoke booth in Manchester last night, singing an array of songs, from Dolly Parton's 'Joelene' (Which I sing like a pro!) to Will Smith's 'Wild, Wild West'. Oh, and lets not forget a little bit of 'river deep, mountain high'. That's always a winner! It was fun. There's nothing better than singing karaoke in a booth with only your friends to watch and listen, because I don't think I could do it in front of a crowd of people... eekers!

This was literally just a random blog about randomness... but if you stop by feel free to tell me if you've been keratin-ised, and what you thought, and also, what is your go to karaoke song? :)

Sam

Boston Cream Cupcakes!

Yes, that's right. True to my word I actually took pictures of something I baked. And what a treat I made.

I got another Hummingbird bakery book a month or so ago and have been dying to try one of the new recipes. I decided the (almost) first thing I wanted to make were the Boston Cream Cupcakes. I won't bore you with all the details of how I ended up covered in icing sugar and cocoa powder... or how I managed to make about 25 cupcakes with a recipe that stated it made 12-16... What I will do is tell you what the recipe is for these delish vanilla cupcakes, which have a custard filling and chocolate frosting... try not to drool!

Cupcakes:

240g plain flour

280g caster sugar

1 tbsp baking powder

a pinch of salt

80g unsalted butter, at room temperature

240ml milk

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla extract

Method: Just do what I do. Whack it all in a bowl and mix it together with an electric mixer! :P

Custard:

250ml Milk

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 egg yolks

50g caster sugar

1 tbsp Plain flour

1 tbsp cornflour


Method: boil the milk in a pan with the vanilla. Whisk other ingedients together in a seperate bowl. When the milk has boiled remove from heat, pour a little bit into the mixture in the bowl so that it becomes all runny - then add that mixture into the pan of mix and boil again for about a minute. You'll be able to tell when it's done because it will turn thick, like custard! Next, put it in a bowl and cover with clingfilm, leaving it until its cooled.


Frosting:

400g Icing sugar

100g cocoa powder

160g Unsalted butter

80ml Milk

Method: mix the icing sugar, cocoa powder and butter in a bowl, when its all breadcrumby, and sandy texturised gradually add the milk. IMPORTANT NOTE: this made A LOT of mixture.


After you've done it all - and the cupcakes have totally cooled - you get to start the fun bit!


You cut some holes in the tops of the cakes, scoop some custard into them, trim the top which you cut out so it fits back on and squidge it down (see pictures below for help!) - then you whack some of the amazing chocolate icing on and voila! Boston cream cupcakes!


Perfect for any occassion - I found they went very well with a movie (scarface) an a cup of coffee!

Pictures for all below:



Keratin hair treatments, autumn and the blues

I got the blues. Because it's September. I always have the blues in September. Unfortunately, these blues don't leave me playing my harmonica in a smoky bar, drinking whisky. Oh my god, if they did I probably wouldn't mind! But no. Blues in September are rubbish. The only thing keeping me going is this beautiful autumn that's already started.

I have 2 weeks off work at the moment (which isn't long enough, but I have 5 more weeks of holidays to take this year, so I can't complain too much). So I decided not to let the September Blues get me down. No! I'm going to take this time to beat the funk... I mean the blues. I have set up meetings with friends, set up hair appointments (Getting a Keratin hair treatment on Friday and can't wait) and arranged to bake a lot of goodies with my boyfriend, whilst ticking off lots of films we missed this year. So all will be ok.

I feel bad because I have been so down about nothing in particular, and when I'm with my fella I feel like I'm putting it all on him, and he thinks it's him who's making me feel down and out, but it's not. I really can't wait for this month to be over! Gah! It's messing with my life!

On a better note, I am moving up in the world. My sister is moving into her own house with her boyfriend. How is this good for me, you ask? Well. ever since forever I have shared a room. I know. not only do I depressingly still live at home, but I share a room with one of my sisters. It's not so bad, we get on most of the time, but... well, I'm 26 and need my own space, you know? I have lots of belongings. And I don't mean, furniture, or clothes. Because that's just silly. No. I have a TON of books and DVD's. And I need somewhere to put them. I am almost at breaking point with my stuff because I don't want to throw things out, but I need more room, so this has all happened at rather the best time. She should be in her new place in about 8 weeks. So for 8 weeks I just have to live out of half a room and be ok with it. And then, when those 8 weeks are up, I can ask my dad to  help me pay to decorate my room - get a double bed. Paint the walls. Rip out my wardrobes and get a chest of drawers (I hate wardrobes. I just can't stand them). Set up new book shelves... all that jazz. I'm super excited! This will at least keep me going until me and my boyfriend find our own place and move out. Which we wanted to be this year, but finances are looking worse than we ever imagined, so hopefully next year. But who knows.

See, I'm in such a funk I can't even be optimistic about moving out. Gosh!

Well, I have to go get ready. I'm going to pump myself full of adrenaline and feel good endorphins by hitting my local Zumba class. I hope it is good. I've heard it's fun, but I want a work out, not a dance party! We will see!

Funny blogs up soon, I promise. I'll be baking tomorrow and I promise to take photos.

Also, blog to come about photography stuff.

Peace out!

Sam

Autumn - here again! AT LAST!

It's no secret that I love autumn. I love everything about it, even the chilly nights, the rain. What's not to like? The leaves all change colour and everything feels cosy!

It's funny how you associate certain things with certain times of the year. I always feel extra autumn-y when I listen to certain albums, or read certain books, watch certain films. It's hard to describe and it might sound cheesy, but I always feel like autumn feels like falling in love. Cheesy - ergh. I know, I can't help it. It was autumn time when my and my boyfriend said the 3 words we now repeat to each other a million times a day (because you should always say it, whenever you can!). When I read certain books it was autumn, and I fell in love with the character (which I often do). I don't know, call me a secret romantic, but the autumn months make me feel all warm inside. Just don't tell anyone because I like to pretend I'm a horrible grinch and if this got out my rep would be shattered!

I'm currently listening to an album, which made me want to write this blog. Vanessa Carlton, Heroes and Thieves. Something about the tinkling piano and strings and husky voice. Ahhh.

I was also running through some old photos from last Christmas and the cold looking days made me really crave wrapping up against the elements. Yes. I need to purchase some new scarves, jackets and gloves. I'm fine for hats because I got this cute hat the other day from Tesco's and I'm going to wear the life out of it;



Yes, the 'cat' pose was necessary - although I feel I look more like a mouse.


Speaking of photos - I finally updated my Flickr. It's taken me all year. Have a peak if you wish HERE

What reminds you of autumn... or makes you feel all wintry?

Sam

ps.

Autumn pictures to inspire you all! :D

"Insert catchy blog title here"

*sigh*

I'm always in a state of mid-inspiration (I won't tell you how long I just say here trying to remember the word 'inspiration'... no joke!) - I always feel like writing something but can't break through the inspiration barrier to do so. I always feel like learning a new song to play on my guitar, but to hell if I can think of what kind of song... I always feel like blogging but can't think of anything to blog about! Do you see how my life is slightly tragic? Not properly tragic, granted, but I am my own worst enemy, because I want to be creative but I just can't be.

I have such a craving to start up my photography again, but I know I'll take my camera out somewhere and take NO pictures. Alas, what does one do?!

I didn't have anything to blog about but seeing as I'm trying to push myself into doing things just to get things in motion... well. Here I am!

I am miffed I haven't received my Pottermore email yet. But I guess if it at least arrives before October 1st that will be OK...

I have been making some mean meals recently. A great veggie cottage pie, and fantastic vegetarian hot dog with pasta dish, and some amazing soups - which always end up on the really spicy side because I love chili power and I love black pepper, and I just can never decide which to use, so obviously I use both!

I am taking 2 weeks off work starting next week as I haven't had any time off this year and it's starting to get to me. I need some time to unwind - relax - spend some time alone (which rarely happens when you live with 5 other people) and bake/ cook like mad. I'll try to get some blog activity back by taking photos... yes... I feel inspiration coming on. Photography and time off work. This is it! These 2 weeks are going to save my soul. I can feel it!

I love it when everything fits together accidentally.

Well, that's all comrades.

Sam

ps. On a side note I got 2 new dresses. This is one:

the other I haven't worn yet, but when I do I'll throw it up here.

I'm almost at my target weight... so far I've lost over 2 stone, so I'm trying to get into wearing dresses.

And here are a couple of cute pictures for everyones enjoyment! :)

this is how I'm going to do my garden up when I have my own place!

I'm so getting these!

Sentimental Movies for ALL!

I set this blog post up ages ago and never posted it.

As I've not been in the blogging frame of mind I figured I shouldn't write anything about anything! But I have actually quite missed scattering my thoughts out onto the not so literal page, so I'll try to remember what I was going to say about sentimental movies.

I accidentally skipped onto the family movie channel the other day. I say accidentally because I don't normally watch the family channel, unless, you know, they're showing harry potter! But I saw Hachiko: A dogs story was on so I figured I'd watch a few minutes to see how cute the dog was...


as it turns out - he's stupidly cute!

 And then I got dragged into the story. It was adorable. I don't usually like sentimental stories because I find them a little bit pointless, besides, its not cool to tear up over a dog film... but this film was actually so sad I had to turn over before it even finished. I couldn't do it to myself... I have decided I need a dog like that in my life though! Honestly, so cute and cuddly, Sam must have now!

As for other animal films I have seen of late, I saw the Rise of the Planet of the Apes - which was amazing. I didn't really want to see it, as I don't like monkey movies, but I have since seen it twice. Because it was that good, oh, and my mum wanted to see it but didn't have anyone to go with - community service done for the month! Honestly, I couldn't recommend this film more - obviously it's totally science fiction, so people who go and say 'it was a bit far fetched'... well, they aren't really in 'the zone'. Would you go to see Star Wars and say 'it's a bit far fetched? Why would Yoda float?' - No... because Yoda isn't real... and neither are the monkeys in this movie... so...

What's more impressive is the motion capture and the tech they used to film the monkeys, which were mostly played by humans in those funny suits with dots all over them. When you see the 'making of' (available on Youtube for those interested) segments, you see how amazing it really is that they are able to do what they do! Movie magic!


I also saw the new Pedro Almodovar film, The Skin I Live In - which was... different. Spanish, obviously, and I really think Spanish humor, horror and suspense films are totally different to UK or US films. They have a different view on things. As an example - at certain parts of the movie I hear a few people in the cinema laugh out loud. And I knew they had to be Spanish... turns out I was right, at the end I hear them talking and they were of Spanish blood. However, it doesn't make the film bad, it just means those little jokes that have been slotted into the film which isn't funny just aren't gotten by us lowly brits. It's not a comedy though, not in the least. The first 30 mins were actually painful because it was so boring. I was in half a mind to walk out, but I decided not to and it was worth staying, because when the penny finally drops and you have that 'OH, I get it!' moment, the film becomes 100% better. In fact, I'd watch it again now if I could. It was well played.

TV wise, I've been submerging myself into a new fandom - the world of Fringe. It's like X Files, mixed with Dark Angel and kind of CSI like - and it's superb! It's really captured my imagination and I've blitzed season 1 and going to pick up season 2 today so I can find out what happened next! Also, welcome back Joshua Jackson - long missed on my TV screen!

Apart from not blogging, and watching movies, I've been reading LOTS - and fretting about how uni starts in 1 month and I still have to buy all my books for it. It's going to be another bad month for my bank account! Boo!

Well - sorry for no colours and editing of this. Got to head out. It looks set to rain and I have a mile to walk to my fella's house, and then another mile or so to get to the shops. Yes. I am without car today. My feet are in for some abuse!

Sam

There's a elephant in this room, here....

I'll huff, I'll puff, I'll set your furniture shop on fire!

Isn't that how the saying goes?

I don't know! Riots. That's what I'm talking about. Well, not talking about because I'm quite happy to let the elephant stay in the room - I won't talk to it, I won't feed it and eventually I assume it will go away of it's own accord, because it will get bored and want to return to it's natural habitat. (but hopefully not steal from, or burn down said Habitat).

It's all over the news and now the riots have hit Manchester and that's all anyone is talking about. Well. I refuse, so if you want riot news, go elsewhere. I'm not going to harp on about how scallies are running around and the police won't use deadly force, like they should be doing!

My blog today is about... well, it was about 2 things really. The first being I just got back from my run (I decided last week to jump off the treadmill and run outside, why the hell is it 100% harder?!), and I did ok. I'm not a fit person. I have asthma and as a rule I like to be lazy. What can I say?! But 2 miles in 25 mins (roughly), is probably the best I can ask for right about now so I'm saying hurrah to myself. I need to tone up and I have decided running outside is my way forward. I need to find better running songs to listen to though, so if anyone has any suggestions - please help me out! I find anything by Katy Perry is good, especially my favorite one - E.T... oh come on... it's amazing! Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me!



I'm totally doing my makeup like this next time I go out for a run! hahah!



In other unrelated topics I wanted to talk about fitting in. I never really fit in anywhere, and part of it is because I don't want to, but sometimes I find myself on the outside looking in, especially when it comes to Internet society. I don't want Internet 'fame' - what I do want, and what I used to have on some sites, is a community. Because that's what the Internet is great for! You can talk to people as much or as little as you want about specific topics and not feel the need to know about their personal lives, unless you actually become super duper friends, in which case you add the on Facebook and photostalk them until you realise you're being a crazy person.

Community - it's the Internets silver lining, but I sometimes feel like I can't quite get my foot in the door. This place is great for that, this old Blogger here, because people drop in and out and if they like you they follow you. I never really feel any pressure to out-do anyone or try to be anyone else on Blogger, because I try to be as honest as I can be and people can like it or lump it, but I don't feel like I'm truly a 'blogger'. I don't feel like I'm in this blogging community. I'm trying to get onto a site with a forum at the moment, which will help with my writing, but I can't seem to because of technical difficulties, but I also want to try to find actual writing forums, a place I can go and get involved, enter competitions and such - but as I'm not involved in that world I find it really hard to even find the door... I can't even sneak in an open window because I don't know which one will lead to a nice community and which will lead to... dum dum dum, certain death.

Now, this blog didn't make sense because I lost my train of thought, but if you stop by here and know of any good writers forums or a site that hosts writing competitions, I would really appreciate some guidance, as there are SO many, I don't know which ones I should be looking at!

Argh - SAM need shower.

Sam

Oh yeah... and this is TOTALLY how I run!



MORE Pottermore

In my last blog, I blogged about Pottermore... and forgot to say what my username is...

I believe it really captures my personallity - like it was made JUST for me...

DreamMugwump63.

That's right. I'm the dreamiest Mugwump you'll ever meet.

Anyone else get through (well, yeah, I'm guessing there are a million people with ubercool usernames right now).

Which level did you get through on, and what's your username?

Sam

Spinebreaking Pottermore!

What a week! Not that I've been up to much, but I feel like this week has been manic. I think mentally I have been in turmoil, from worrying about my internet not working, to getting my 1st year grades (PASSED! WOO!), to finding out my boss (and really good friend) is leaving work next Friday (Is it wrong that I will miss my boss?!), to frantically trying to get early registration on the new Harry Potter website, Pottermore, to trying desperately to get involved in the website Spinebreakers (more on that below).

It's been one of those week where I feel like I have progressed... maybe not mentally, but in some way or another a progression has been made....

Yep - my internet stopped working this week, which was annoying for 3 reasons. The first reason was mostly due to the fact that I got the email from OU to say that my grade was available on the website for my first year... and I couldn't get onto the site to get it. I finally managed to get on the site after a few hours and saw the only word I needed to see - PASS - which made me quite happy, but made me realise I need to pay for my next year... which I don't want to do because I don't want to see that much money exit my account in one go! But... I know I have to... so I'll suck it up at some point and do it. I'm just putting off the inevitable!

Other things I have been internally stressing about for no reason what so ever is this new Harry Potter website Pottermore. I don't even know what it's all going to be about, but they were allowing 1 million people to submit themselves for early registration, so they can help with the development, point out bugs etc. and I just HAD to try to get in. It's not like I wouldn't have been able to join at the usual time in October, but... well, I didn't want to be left out. However the stupid website was putting up clues to be answered to win a space at the most stupid hours of the day. I.E when most people are at work, or asleep, so the only time I could actually try to get on the site was today, on the LAST day. And I managed it. I knew it was going to be between 12am and 3am that the clue would appear, and on Friday nights I don't go to sleep until about 3ish anyway, so I stayed on the site and got in there straight away! It's sad, how much I want this site to be good, and how excited I was when I signed up. But Harry Potter has been a huge part of my life - keeping me reading, and keeping me watching films and it's the thing that made me actually start my internet life - when I first signed up to Mugglenet and got on the forums, which led to working on forums making graphics for HP sites, and then being admin on a HP forum, and then watching certain people on Youtube who loved HP and made fan videos, and even setting up Blogger, because by that time there was no point not doing it because I was already living a seperate life via the internet anyway! So you see, I couldn't abandon HP now!

I've also been trying to join Spinebreakers, which is a website for Penguin books. It's a place where people review books and get the breaking news on new books coming out and it just seems like a great community. So I'm in the middle of trying to get into being a contributor and trying to get on the forums (which I can't get on at the moment for reasons unknown) - but as reading and writing are where I see my life heading more and more these days it's a place I really want to be involved in. Who knows - I'll try not to dwell on it until I hear from the admin folk, but it seems like such an exciting site I can't wait to get involved!

Well - I'm off to watch crap TV now, and for the rest of the day (Hello, The Audrina Show), and tomorrow I'm off into Manchester to watch Super8 at the IMAX (woohoo).

Have a good weekend folks!

Sam

BURGERS! NOM NOM!

I miss hamburgers the most!

I've been a veggie for about 3 years now... maybe 4. I don't know. I lose track of time because I don't pay enough attention to it, but burgers are probably the BEST food in the world, and yet I don't eat them!

Why? I always ask myself this. I miss burgers more than any food, well... apart from ham. How is ham SO good?

I do sometimes wonder why I don't eat meat, when I sometimes miss it. (But really I just miss burgers... I'm losing focus now...). But hey! That's my life! I stop eating things I like.

Example. In order to lose weight this year I have stopped eating white bread (amoung other things!). To you, maybe that's no biggie. But to me? Jesus *drags hands through hair to emphasise the point* White bread to me is literally my bread and butter. If I was hungry or just wanting to eat for the sake of it, white bread was there for me. To cradle some soft fillings, maybe with a sauce and some salad, or to toast and melt butter and marmite into... we had a deep connection. A strong relationship, but... like everything I love. I had to cut myself off from it.

I do notice patterns with my eating. If it's good, I actually have the stupidly steely determination to NOT eat it. And I do it for myself - in spite of myself. What a fool! I don't eat sweets, you know - because they are bad for your teeth. I only eat chocolate every once in a while, but NEVER chocolate bars. Only a truffle here, a piece there. To sate my desire.

One day I'm actually going to snap - gorge myself on burgers and ham, and chocolate and white bread and sweets. And then I'm going to keel over. Because if there's one thing I know, it's that when I open those gates, there's no closing of them. I will literally eat until I drop!

And this was the blog that was inspired by the picture of the burger.

Gods damn it - I'm starving now!

Sam

PS. I'm going to change my blog template again. I'm bored of it... I think....

Blah Blah Blah - turn the page!

I'm literally reading so much it's hard to keep up with myself at the moment.

I do this every so often. I read loads and loads and it's great! But then I decided to try to do a blog about each book I have read and I'm falling behind! Eeks! Oh well.

I don't really have much to blog about - I had a great idea for a blog the other day, but I absolutely forgot it by the time I got to my computer and I though if I just started typing I would probably remember what I was going to say. I haven't.

I'm just going to go and eat my quorn sausages and stop being so silly! Me? Remember what I was going to say? That will almost probably never happen!

Toodles!

Sam

Don't judge me!

Don't be a judgy budgie but.... I made out-of-the-box cookies yesterday!

Ah, I know. And I call myself a baker! (well... I don't really, but I do love to bake).

It's just, you know that Betty Crocker stuff is the bees knees and sometimes I just can't resist. I actually went through a phase of buying BC devils food cake, which is possibly the best chocolate cake mix ever invented. The cookies are equally good, but can not ever surpass the cake. Oh my lord. I'm salvating just thinking about it....

So I'm a baking cheat - what are you going to do?

Look, I baked this from scratch - never mind the fact all my utensils are clean... no... don't check the bin...

On a fun side note - not that there is anything MORE fun than baking - I have 6 books on the way. Yep. Yeppidee do dah, I bought 6 books at once. Because I ran out of my birthday books and now its time to read MORE. So I'll be reading, and posting little reviews up on my other blog when I can. Good times!

Sam



I know... I look youthful, don't I?



I think...

Therefore I am...

Such a philosophical Q and A. I know... What's gotten into me? I have no idea.

What I was meant to write, was 'I think I've figured out why this damn blogger stopped letting me edit my blogs to make them all happy and shiny and colourful and stuff'. But my hands got in the way!

So, yessh. I only just discovered, when setting up a new blog (I'll talk about that later), that I was on 'old' settings of blogger. Heaven forbid I be told they have changed the editor software. No! Don't tell me you have to manually change which ever one you want to use. *HUFF* Technology, eh?

So, on a lighter note. I set up another new blog. But.. no... wait... don't tell me I'm being silly - just listen! I read a lot of books and thought it would be fun to write about them. So I started this to have fun with. I know I don't usually keep up with new blogs, but hey ho! When you have an idea, you should go with it until you don't want to go with it anymore. And THAT'S why I've done it.

I'm bored now and my dinner is getting cold - toodles!

Sam

Transformers... and Bad Teachers.

All in one day!

I haven't blogged for a while, all due to the fact that my life is increasingly dull at the moment. However, I'm here to say I'm still alive! And I'm still trying to watch as many movies as I can (although not many at the cinema recently, sadly).

And I figured I'd tell you what I thought of Transformers 3 - Dark Side of the Moon, and Bad Teacher...

Well. I liked them. Both. Transformers was fun, and loud and all shooting and fighting (the only thing that upsets me about these films is the mess they make when they fight!), and although some of it (ok most of it) was daft, it was a huge step up from the awfulness of the 2nd film!

Bad teacher was funny and a lot ruder than I thought it would be, but again - I recommend. I find it hard to think of Cameron diaz as 'sexy' because to me, she aint, but she plays a messed up slut bag and it suits her just fine! haha.

Well. That was painless. I might blog more often!

Sam

When I was young...

I just heard someone say that we are the only generation who will remember what it was like to grow up without computers and the internet etc. Which made me think... that is so true!

I remember when I was younger we didn't have a computer! Not at home anyway. My dad had a couple in his office and over the summer holidays he would bring it home for us to play on. Mostly we played solitare, or mah jong, but we also played Lotus, the computer driving game (which to this day remains one of my favorite games ever!).

Our friends would come over and play on it too, because they didn't have a computer at home. By computer I obviously mean P.C, I didn't grow up in the 70's when Pong was a massive hit or anything! jeez, I'm not that old! :P

But yeah, I totally remember that a P.C was a novelty item. Our school had one in the year 6 classroom at primary school and we would get a turn to go on it during break, or some boring lesson... I recall always playing that ski-down-the-hill game but could never ever work out how to play it without getting eaten by the Yeti... to this day I can't figure out how you were supposed to do it. Unless that was the aim? In which case I did it very well!

I also remember when we first got the internet at home. We had AOL (I don't know why) and I set up my very first email address and told my friend that I had an email account and she also had one. Well, she, coming from a family who's father worked for something like IBM, already had email, but I remember feeling so cool for being able to tell her I had one too and we could email each other! I remember chatting to people on AOL chat and it was so much fun. I also recall that time when I told my friend I had email that I needed her address and in such a NooB way - when she told me what it was, I assumed that the @ in her email was written at @T - like the symbol alone wasn't enough - that the T had to be there because it sounded like it should be... haha. I'll always feel a little bit embarrased by that! But they were the days!

The internet all of a sudden exploded and you could Internet search anything you wanted! There was a website for the Sock Shop of all things and you could go on teenchat at school and waste an hour talking to random people for the hell of it, before you even had to worry about sicko's stalking younger children! I remember hearing people say 'internet cafe' and hope it was like a virtual world where you had a little person and you could walk around and talk to people (Hey! I invented Second life! No way!) but was dissapointed to learn it was just a term for a chatroom... no coffee involved. Boo! I also remember the first time I watched a music video on the internet! Jeniffer Lopez, If you had my Love! Yeah! Recognise! I was hip, even back then!

I wonder what other bright and shiny things will be invented in the future and we will look bck and say 'I remember when we didn't have those flying auto-mobeels, we walked around or got on those buses like regular folk, and we got by!' - whilst sitting on a porch in the outback, rocking on a chair and all of a sudden turning into some old woman from a ridiculous movie.

Ah, the future holds so many possibilities!

Picture overkill? haha!